12 March 2009

Oddball Casting For Iron Man 2

They've inked Mickey Rourke, Hollywood's latest risen-from-the-ashes actor, to play the lead bad guy in Iron Man 2.

I think this whole "Mickey Rourke is ugly and suddenly we love him again" thing is pretty funny. Everybody's kinda forgotten what a jerk he used to be. Oh well, he's only playing the heavy so who cares? The heavy in an Iron Man sequel is not very vital. Just a Bond villain with even less to do, but a neat bit of tech to do it in. No doubt Rourke will be clad up in armour of his own for most of the flick. Small mercies.

More troubling is the "standard-Hollywood" casting of, sigh, Scarlett Johansson (sp?) to play the Black Widow. A 10 words or less description of the Black Widow character would be: worldly, seductive, athletic, kick-ass, red-headed Russian super-spy. Spot the problem? I'll grant Johansson her seductive status, although more in a "I look like jailbait but have huge knockers" kinda way. Other than that, and the red hair (which they'll give her), I don't see how she fits the role at all. I'm not saying she'll be bad, but it's a pretty stale move.

On the other hand, Scarlett's marrying, or possibly HAS married (I dunno), Ryan Reynolds. That guy's abs could cut through the phone book. They mock me from fitness magazine covers. I'm sure he'll whip her into shape. The notion of wearing Black Widow's skin tight gear will probably have an effect on Scarlett, too. Not to mention the baby fat time clock that goes off whenever an actress reaches her mid twenties. For further depictions of this phenomenon, and its sad effects, Google images of Sara Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci, among others. Compare their early images with those from today. The bodies on both there women now resemble that of Dobby The House Elf. Let's hope Scarlett opts for fitness, as opposed to starvation.

They originally cast British actress Emily Blunt in the part of the Black Widow. She was the girl who tramps around Tom Hanks's apartment in her underwear near the start of Charlie Wilson's War. THAT was GENIUS casting.

Oh well. At least we'll get an HILARIOUS Russian accent.

Scarlett's character.

Mickey Rourke